my friend died last week

My friend died last week. I know I’m not the only person to have ever lost a friend. I’m probably not the only person to have been sipping coffee and composing my to-do list while she was experiencing her last half hour on this planet. And I imagine I’m not the only person to feel shame and regret that I didn’t spend more time with her before it was too late. But I feel like I am. 

I feel like you could search the world and still not uncover one person who is more self-absorbed than me, more horrible than me, more all-the-worst-words-you-can-think-of than me. Because I had no idea how sick my friend was. The last time we talked she convinced me she was strong and peaceful and certain that she going to defeat her cancer. And I believed her.

I still prayed for her. But I continued to grocery shop and do laundry and cook my husband’s favorite meals. Okay, so that’s a lie, because I hate to cook. But I did continue to jump through all the hoops of taking care of my family and loving my children and dancing through this ordinary existence. 

I still thought about her. But I didn’t reach out. I hid behind a cloud of Covid and kept to my own little bubble.

I still missed her. All the time. But I convinced myself we would have more opportunities for shopping sprees and silliness. 

It doesn’t matter if it was innocence. Or Covid. Or just ugly fear of not knowing what to say to her because no words ever could make her cancer go away. So for whatever reason, I buried myself in piles of laundry and unfinished projects and I learned to weave and I planned my son’s gender reveal party and all the while I just knew I’d see her again. And we would laugh and laugh and laugh. 

So no, I’m not the only person to lose a friend. And I’m probably not the only person to sit with regret and feel its hateful sting. But I want to go on record sharing this truth. Friends, don’t hide behind fear. Put on the stupid mask and visit your friends. Hell, even hug them. Hug them hard. And then sit there with them and laugh and laugh and laugh. 

Here’s to Jennifer Peterson. I love you still.

Comments · 17

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I will definitely follow your advice, but remember- God doesn’t want you to beat yourself up- never!!

  2. So sorry you lost your friend. Sending you warm hugs and beautiful memories of your dear friend.

  3. Love that photo of your dear friend. So hard to loose those you love. It’s difficult not to beat yourself up over “what if’s”…. just focus on the times you had together and what you learned from her. Then “pay it forward” by taking those memories and lessons learned into your current relationships. I feel that is one of the best tributes you can give to a loved one. Hugs to you and her family.

  4. So so sorry Wendy to read about your dear friend. It is a heart wrenching thing that we all face. I echo your self awareness of going down the self deprecating path. The hurt for me is why I think I chose this path when a close friend died. I’m changed forever because of her loss as I’m sure you are changed from your friends loss. Sending you a Big Hug as another person did. I felt drawn to this beautiful picture of your friend as a butterfly but now I think it’s her angel
    wings. Take Care of yourself!!!

  5. So so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my best friend in May, she was someone I saw or spoke to everyday. I couldn’t even go to her funeral because of COVID. Ten months on I still think of her everyday and even though I’m sad that she went too soon, I do smile when I think of her. As I remember all the good times we had and the funny things she used to say and do. It helps sharing these memories with my other friends who loved her dearly too. Take care.

  6. I am so, so sorry that you lost your dear friend. My best friend had a stroke about a year ago and the bright and funny woman I know is gone because of severe neurological damage. I regret all the times I should have called and never did thinking we’d always talk soon–whenever that was. This is a wakeup call. You’re right. Call your friends, Reach out. Time is short. Let your loved ones know they are loved and missed.

  7. Great advice! We never know when someone we love will be taken from us. My dad died one week ago due to Covid complications. I have a million regrets about the time I should have used more wisely. Life is a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. You never know when that last half hour will come.

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